Chronic Illness

Chronic illness sometimes is unseen by others.
Others cannot feel what they cannot see.
So if sometimes I look well, but I tell you I am in pain please do not judge me, I wish I "was" well again.

Illness is not my choice it's what life dealt to me. For you to disbelieve me or doubt me, breaks my heart.  For you are my Family, Doctor or even a Good Friend.  Must I earn your "trust" all over again?

Chronic means on and off but always there
Today I may be able to do something, tomorrow maybe I can't I have to try hard to work within my limit.  Or the next day I may wind up at the clinic. 

Funny how when you have a chronic illness and you finally adjust.  You find that it has led to another and you must handle that too.  Sometimes you have two or even more, oh my what a chore.

Some even tell you, You can't walk anymore.  All of these illnesses robs me of my life.  I can never be normal like you again.

It is hard for me to accept what I am going through.  I don't need the extra stress trying to convince you.

At times, I have mood swings, I may snap at you.  If I do I am sorry, please understand, I am angry at "me."

I try to do what I've done before perhaps even a simple chore.  But then I find that my muscles don't seem to work anymore.

I want to be that parent, grandmother or friend the one I "lost" when this illness came upon me.  The one I tried to be when I was there for you.  The one I "was" when I was able to do.

Every time I say no to you, don't be angry at me.  Every no I have to say reminds me I am "not" normal anymore.

So please, don't doubt me, just try to understand.  It was not my choice! It is just God's Plan.

Written by:   JoAnn Kranik

Ode to Hep C

I was diagnosed with Hep C, in April of 93,  I had tried to get Life Insurance you see.  I was so confused when they told me that day, I didn't know what to say.

I had a biopsy and lots of tests,  they said this had been lurking for 20 years at best.  Enzymes were hi, cirrhosis was severe,  the damage progressed over many a year.

4 years went by the fatigue increased, I was achy and tired, it just wouldn't cease.  At times I felt I could fall on my face, especially if I didn't slow down my pace.

5 years went by I felt like a jerk, I was just too tired to continue to work.  I found myself queasy, and lost all my perk. 

I got a computer and started to play, met some great friends that I knew would stay.  My questions were answered, they gave me support, we laughed and we cried I knew I found my port.

I gathered up info and joined in my fight,  I would not let this Dragon out of my sight.

A new treatment was out that sounded good, I wanted to try it if I could.  First my Dr., said no, my Cirrhosis was bad,  I was now in 4th stage and it sure made me mad.

I told him I still wanted to try, he looked at me and let a big sigh.  Since my positive thinking at that time was good,  he finally agreed and said he understood.

I did try and to his dismay, my viral load went negative within 60 days.   I proved to the Drs., my family and me, that a positive attitude is the key.

I figured out quick what Gods plan was to be, I was to help others you see.  Sometimes the Drs.,  are unable to see the obvious treatments for you and me.

I am now told a transplant is most likely in store, my liver might not hold out much more.  I wonder if treatment had not been delayed, would my liver be this bad?

No one can say!!

Written by:   Randi Wheeler